Interestingly, I am not an expert in cracking the code of how we behave and why do we behave the way we behave? This is entirely based on my experience and my own reflections in the form of sad or bad feelings for the major part of my life and as of now, took a shape in the form of writing using words as a medium.
It was a question that was looming all over given my view of the world. Sometimes it was just a black and white world, in other words, when you do good unto others and you’d receive good and when you were on the bad side you’d receive bad things in life for sure coz that's what you deserve! And also coz Karma’s a B***H. Sometimes, it’s a smart and cunning world where everyone seemed smarter than me right from doing mundane things in the world or appear cool as words would just flow. You either needed to be a smarter person or you’d just need good looks and look beautiful, so that everybody shuts up and won’t mess up with anything that’s so serene. They literally don’t want to, somehow, disturb the beauty or trouble the beauty as if they’re in awe of them. It’s as if things automatically get served on a platter when the world is in awe of you and the exact opposite you could also be your own enemy.
Sometimes the world was just cruel and unfair and I downright didn’t deserve the treatment I received with no fault of mine. I guess I was just naive in some cases and needed a lashing to know that the world is not what it appears to be. It really gets to being selfish and hurts in a matter of milliseconds or even lesser if there’s a unit for it and sometimes I was dumb to perceive and differentiate the good from the bad or decide to be honest and get hurt or do get cheated upon!
So you can assume already that I didn’t belong to any of the categories mentioned above. But all of these instances of sometimes have changed me in one way or the other. It’s changed me while hurting me, making me a fool or fall into traps of life. I learnt to dust the insults off my shoulders, made myself a tower to live in and nobody could reach not even with Rapunzel’s tresses. It was worse and depressing and also fetched moments of happiness, yet pain and suffering overtook my happiness. I learnt to not expect anything from anyone coz that’s where the problem starts. I sometimes wonder who gets changed, is it me or the people on the other side of my world who laid traps, connive against, tricked, cheated or fooled me and got away with success, accolades, personal gains or I remain as a tale to boast about among friends and recollect how they ruined my life. There is no way I get to know about it. They also get away with torment, mental torture, agony. I also wonder at times do the tables turn on them and does the universe reciprocate in the same manner as they treated?. I guess I won’t know at all coz I have moved on already making sure the past doesn’t reach out to me in any manner. Now i am occupied with my own demons and live in my own hell!
Most of the times we are affected by our bad experiences and carry this experience in our subconscious, dice it and think about how you could have responded to that situation that doesn’t make you seem scared or petrified of things. Our subconscious very well protects from being hurt again when you come across these situations. So our actions or reactions are all based on what our experiences were in the past and once the moment of being bold is gone, a few of us kick ourselves in the ass but will not be able to come out of it.
Oh! As I look upon the title with which I opened to write about my thoughts on, I am now left wondering, if I need to change the title to “ why do I behave the way I behave?” instead of “why do we behave the way we behave?”.
